Seeds

I hate that I leave God out.
And I hate even more that I do it SO often.

At school, I make sure all the kids are included. If I see a kid getting left out, I do not allow it. There is this one kid, Randall, who has Cerebral Palsy. These two other little rambunctious boys like to pick on him. They let him "play" with them, only if he'll take the parts they don't want. More than twice a day, every day, Randall will come up to me, on the verge of tears, and list off some way they are leaving him out.

And yet, there are SO many times, TOO many times that I come to the realization that I have completely left God out. I make plans, take things into my own hands, and go my own way, stubbornly and with full force. It is only after, when I'm sitting in the floor like a child with paint all around me and all over me and my hands, figuratively speaking, that I look up and out of my own world. And I get so mad at myself! God, I'm so sorry! Why do I always do this?! is what I always end up saying.

I don't know why I do it. Like Paul in Romans, I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I want to do (Romans 7:19). And it really is the most frustrating thing in the world.

I don't think there's a band-aid fix to it, either. Patience and diligence I would think.
I have this prayer written in the front of my bible called the Mertonian Prayer and I think it has at least one point right:

"But I believe that the desire to please you does, in fact, please you."

I mean, I know faith without deeds is dead (James 2:26), but maybe it's a start...



I found God today in that: He always finds me