Let me try to collect my thoughts here... They're kind of all over the place after tonight.
First of all, Don Miller is amazing.
My WHOLE entire life I have heard that God has a plan for me. That everything in my life was previously orchestrated and plays out accordingly. "Everything happens for a reason" and nothing is a coincidence. This would have to mean that God has meticulously planned out the details of every single person's life, giving them a plan on how to live... right? I've also been told that Jesus fulfills us. That "we have a a hole in our heart that needs to be filled. We try to fill it with a square peg of drugs, sex, alcohol, rock and roll, but Jesus, the round peg, is the only thing that will fill us."
Buckle up, cause I'm about to seriously challenge these beliefs.
1. Ok, so everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for your life, for my life. That means that everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen to us is already layed out for us. As a child, my mom picked out my clothes for me. She laid out what SHE wanted me to wear by design. When a child reaches a certain age, they no longer want to be told what to wear. They want to decide for themselves and will even reject the idea their parents have presented. So this idea, and what I have believed for so long, is completely contradictory to another belief Christians so strongly hold onto: free will. If God were to sit back and completely plan out EVERYTHING, that would leave us no choice. That is not free will. That is forced love. That would mean that God has decided how he wants us to live, and at the end of the day, our day was not a choice we made, but rather a choice already made for us. That's not who God is (I think, I hope). He is living, He is in our lives, He is present, but he does not make decisions for us. If he were to do that, Eve probably wouldn't have eaten that fruit. We say we "have a friend in Jesus." Think about it. Would you want a friend that makes all your choices for you?
You might say, well if God wants us to make our own decisions, then why does he give us "rules" to follow. Again, he is not forcing you to follow those guidelines. He knows that if you live in the way he suggests, your life will be so much more rewarding, so much more fulfilling, but he does not force you to follow those rules. I think the idea the God has a plan already decided for us is what causes so much hurt, ironically, over suffering. If God has a plan, then why do we suffer...
Don Miller gave an exciting example of what God's plan for our lives might actually look like. He suggested that our lives are like one big sheet of butcher paper (basically a thicker version of regular paper, just used to keep meat cold, hah) and God gives us a big box of crayons (my favorite part!!!) and we are left to draw. He watches us, lovingly, praises us for our beautiful drawing, and guides us when we ask for it. But he doesn't draw for us. We wouldn't want that, and he knows it.
2. Square peg in a round hole? I'm just wondering who came up with this? I'm amazed at how much commercialism has consumed Christian beliefs. I have come to find that a lot, if not most, of the things I believe in are not really even biblical. They are just "nice ideas" that someone somewhere came up with. Well, Jesus is, apparently, a round peg (wonder how he would feel about that). The only peg that will fill this so-called hole we have in our hearts. Ok, well. We do need to be fulfilled by God, and Jesus came to do that for us. But there are so so many other ways that we need to be fulfilled in, too. If Jesus was the round peg to fill this hole, that suggests that we should not want for anything and if we do, we've done something wrong. How can we live like this? WE CAN'T. This would mean that being fulfilled by Jesus is something we have done or could do, and we can't. If the only way Adam needed to be fulfilled was one single round peg by God (who WALKED in the garden, by the way (Genesis 3:8)), then why did he create Eve? God knew that although Adam was fortunate enough to be in such close communion with him, he needed more. Since I became a Christian, I have had plenty of bad days. Does this mean that I haven't let Jesus be the round peg? No, it just means I am human and live in a fallen world. We need food, water, love, affirmation, relationship, clothes. We have those, and many other, holes in our heart as well. Jesus is the round peg in a sense that he fills the "God-portion" of our holes. BUT, we have to have these other things to be fulfilled too. And the only way we CAN get those is if Jesus does it. So it's not like Jesus only has this tiny part of us, he fulfills EVERYTHING, but through different means. Make sense? I'm not sure it makes sense to me either just yet, I'm still grasping it. Believing such a constricting thing for so long can make it tough to see otherwise.
Don Miller is responsible for many of these thoughts I'm having. He completely shattered my mind-set tonight, and left me shaken.
Shaken, but so utterly, deliciously, giddily? free.
Please give me feedback! It's not fun talking to myself...
I found God today in: butcher paper and a box of crayons
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