The disciples had just seen Jesus do yet another miracle. I wonder if they ever got used to it. I wonder if witnessing the feeding of 5000+ with probably not even enough for two people to enjoy today really hit them or if they just accepted it. Afterwords, Jesus immediately sent his disciples away. Out of the 21 translations I looked at, the chosen word half the time is immediately. The others used words like "right away, straight away, as soon as the meal was over, etc." I sense a moment of urgency. Maybe Jesus needed the apostles to be in the boat at a certain time and he was afraid they would miss it. Maybe he had something he needed to tend to. Interesting... but anyway, it has nothing to do with what I started this for :)

So Jesus sends his disciples away while he does crowd control. All we're told is that he told them to get into a boat and go on ahead of him (depending on your translation I guess). So they're on this boat, not knowing where Jesus is or what he's doing (cause I'd say by now they have just gotten used to doing what he says). Jesus spent some time alone, in fact the whole night, and I bet the disciples were wondering what was going on. I can just picture them sitting around, talking, playing some Go Fish, and then a storm comes. There are descriptions of wind and the waves, both working against the men. Needless to say, they were in danger. So then, as if they're not freaked out enough, they see a "ghost," which turns out to be Jesus himself. Yes, not only does He feed over 5000 people, He also walks on water. Jesus tries to comfort them when Peter speaks up. Basically, he's like, OK, if it's really you, then let me walk on this water (paraphrasing, people). Good ole Peter. I think that he secretly just thought it might be cool to walk on water. But anyway, Jesus tells him to come, and Peter "comes." But once he realizes what he's doing, he seriously freaks out and begins to sink. All until he is rescued by Jesus. Jesus is disappointed, asking why Peter doubted Jesus out of his little faith.

I say all this to say really one point that I have talked about over and over recently. My head is swimming with so many uncertainties lately. And when my preacher, pastor, minister, man in suit, mentioned it tonight, it clicked with me again, as a continuous reminder God knows I need. Peter was all for walking on the water when it was his idea. He brought it up, he wanted to do it. It was his action that got him out of the boat. It was his choice and he was in control of it. But as soon as his feet hit the water, he began relying on something, someone, else. It was out of his control. It was up to Jesus then. Now, Peter is well-known in the church. He was an avid follower of Christ, claiming to never forsake Him (although he would later). So this wasn't someone who was necessarily struggling to trust in Jesus. He did well at first, even walking a little ways. But as soon as he noticed the world around him, out of order, he began to sink. He doubted that he would be ok because he had nothing to do with it. Then, Jesus reached out to save him, wishing he didn't have such small faith. When they got back in the boat, everyone was quick to worship Him now that He had proven Himself to be trustworthy.

When things are in my control, my choice, my actions, I'm ok. But when I can't figure things out, big things, I start to freak out like Peter just a little bit. It becomes really easy to sink when I can't see Jesus "proving himself," or when the wind and the waves come crashing in all around me. I'm still learning.

(Matthew 14).

I have more, but it relates to a different topic so I'll write it later.