The Journey, Part 10

"Jesus Calling" for February 24th:

Be still
in the Light of my Presence, while I communicate Love to you.
There is no force in the universe as powerful as my love.
You are constantly aware of limitations: your own and others'.
But there is no limit to my love; it fills all of space, time, and eternity.
Now you see through a glass , darkly, but someday you will see me face to face.
Then you will be able to experience fully how wide and long and high and deep is my love for you.
If you were to experience that now, you would be overwhelmed to the point of feeling crushed.
For now, the knowledge of my Presence is sufficient to carry you through each day.

I found God today in that: I am [still] learning to be still.

The Journey, Part 9

Short Message Today. Sometimes only a few words are needed.

Four Letter Words

When we think of
FOUR LETTER WORDS,
We think of
Curses
Epithets
Expletives.
All those are bad,
Uncomfortable things.

In my mind the two worst are
Can't,
Won't.

But other words have four letters.
How about
Good,
Fine,
Nice,
Best,
Amen

One with many good uses is
Help.
A cry for assistance
The response to a need
A most effective prayer.

But when you come right down to it,
As in the Bible,
The greatest of these too, is
Love

W.K. Sloan
June 12, 2000

In missions today we read this prayer. We were told to circle the word "Love," and then circle another word that stood out to us. I chose the word "Help." Then, we were to say "Love" on our in-breath, and the other word breathing out. That no matter what word we chose, Love covered it up.

Love...Help...Love...Help...

When I first started saying it, "Love" felt warm and inviting. "Help" seemed more of a scream filled with uncertainty and loss. As a few moments past, "Help" calmed down a little bit and "Love" seemed louder. Then, as in one of those "aha" moments, "Love" and "Help" melted together. "Love Help."

Love...Help...Love...Help...Love Help.

This is so critical for me. If you know me at all, you understand my loathing of receiving help in any area of my life. I don't like to quit, I like to do things on my own. I'm stubborn. But I was told to "Love Help." To show emotion. Cry when you're sad, Smile when you're happy; Love Help.



I found God today in that: Love Help.

The Journey, Part 8

Man, I am tired.

I had a discussion with a friend today about how spoiled we are.
I attend Lipscomb University. A place where they find it no big deal to drop $300 on chairs in Arlo's...a piece. Tuition is through the roof, and is getting higher. The buildings are new, the computers are new, we have a Blue Coast, Chik-fil-A, Starbucks, and while it snowed, they bought PURPLE salt to cover the ground we walked on. Not just the normal salt. Purple. Because that is a school color.
I know that if I sat and listed all the ways I am spoiled as an American it would be not only boring, but endless. Besides, my wrists would start hurting and that's just obnoxious. You already know what they are, anyway.

I visited some friends last week and went to a meeting for a trip I am going on. The leader of the trip got to talking about the particular building we were meeting in. How new it was, how nice it was, and how blessed they were to have it. And as ashamed as I am to say it, all I could think about was how every building at Lipscomb is this way, no big deal. I was later appalled by my behavior. Yes, that may be the case, but how grateful am I for it?
I go to school on one of the nicest campuses I know of, and yet my friends and I will sit and complain about parking. Or how the food isn't quite like we want when we have SO MANY options to pick from! And yet my dear friends rejoiced at the marvelous and wonderful building God had blessed them with, a lesson I quickly need to learn. I am embarrassed to even confess my sin of arrogance in this case.

I guess it would be silly to say stop and think about how blessed you are. Not silly in the idea, but silly to express that to people who hear it all the time from churches. I don't think I really do unless an instance like this happens. It is a little cliche, although incredibly true, to relate our wealth with the wealth of other countries, but I think it is more beneficial to relate my wealth, your wealth, with people that are all around me. There are people ten minutes down the road living on $2 a day. That means 3 meals a day for them and most likely other little mouths to feed. My "Little" gave me a porcelain doll from the Dollar Store for Christmas, something she probably cherished when it was gifted to her, because it was most likely the nicest thing she had ever owned. And she felt that she had to give me something incredible in order for me to be happy. Is that the message I as a mentor, as an American, as a child of God am sending off? That in order to be on my level, on our level, people have to raise to a ridiculous and impossible height?

I can't ignore the cries of those who would die to have even half of what I do. I am so spoiled and blessed beyond anything I deserve


I found God today in that: He has spoiled me as His child so I in turn can spoil others.

The Journey, Part 7

I think a question I have wrestled with for a long time is why we, and by "we" I mean religious people, aren't united. Why are there so many different denominations of churches? It has never made sense to me, and still doesn't. I guess the excuse is everyone's beliefs are different and that's why there are so many different churches. But why? Why must their beliefs be different? It doesn't make sense, and I don't think there really is a reason for it. Maybe an excuse, but not a reason.

I heard a story about a gathering in which Max Lucado spoke. Over several thousand were in attendance, and he asked him one original question. He asked that, on the count of three, they would all yell out the name of the church they went to, or what denomination they were a part of. Once "three" was spoken, it was utter chaos. No one could have made out any particular name amongst the mass. Then, he asked them to yell out the name of the One they would die for and the One they had committed their lives to. Again, "one, two, three," and all that was heard: Jesus.

So why are all these other denominations necessary? Why is it that something that should be so simple is so difficult? I really think it's because each denomination has pride. People are so set on the fact that "they are right, and those people are wrong" that they can't see the plank in their own eye. What makes you right? I can feel the fire in my finger tips as I try not to spout off words of impatience here. Don't get me wrong, I am guilty, but nothing makes me more angry than people who do more harm than good in their "spreading of the gospel" because of a lack of understanding. If we stopped for 2 seconds, we would find that we may have more in common with those of other religions than we think.

With this said, I realize that the childlike notion of "simply" following the bible and letting that be enough is not possible. I have often thought that if people would just do what the bible says and recognize Jesus as their only life, all of this division would go away. Well, that's wishful thinking. Because no one reads a sentence the same. I guess the real thing I'm getting at is just wishing people would stop and love and recognize their own faults before criticizing others. People of every denomination. Because the truth of the matter is, God cannot be contained in the neat box we put Him in. Paul tells us that the word of God cannot be chained! Jesus ate with tax collectors. He hung out with the drunkards, those that lied, cheated, stole, had sex, committed adultery, and those that would kill him. How can we be Jesus to people if we are SO caught up in what they are doing wrong? We can't.



I found God today in that: He wants us to all be united in Him.
"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ."
1 Corinthians 12:12

The Journey, Part 6

"Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...

Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door

I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me"

"The Alter and the Door"
-Casting Crowns



I found God today in that: I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard. I need to "just let you (God) be who you are" in me.

On a Side Note...

Me-"Keylahni, come here! Which color do you want to be? This way, even when we can't be together, we are together because you are on my bracelet." (showing her my bracelet consisting of 3 different strands of colors-purple, pink, and white-interwoven together).

Keylahni-thinking for a while..."Well, I wanna be the pink and the purple. That way, I can be whatever you are. I wanna be whatever you are."



It's days like this that make it all worth while.

The Journey, Part 5

What do you do when doubt begins to seep into your life? When you doubt not only the people around you, but your own intentions and plans for the future. When the things you "knew" you were going to do suddenly seem waaaay too hairy and complicated for you to handle?

Let me know when you find that answer

The absolute most difficult thing to do in those circumstances is to believe, maybe through your own force, that God is working. Today in missions we talked about Deism. This is the belief that God created the world, but is now just sitting back and letting it "do its thing." That yes, he was interested in the beginning, but now he's kinda over it. My teacher suggested that this is how the world thinks today. It occurred to me that even for those of us who were raised in a church, this idea is really difficult to overcome. Because we live in a world that encourages individualism and survival of the fittest, relying and trusting in a God that we haven't physically seen is somewhat crazy. A great man of the Enlightenment Era, William Carey, lived by a slogan: "Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God."

Maybe the part that makes this whole thing so difficult is understanding. Personally, I don't want to commit my life to something, or Someone, that I feel is not personally involved. To me, that shows a lack of care, of thoughtfulness. But maybe the point I have always missed is that I am not going to understand it. There is a struggle with me every day. Every day, I seek to understand what God is doing. I know He's working, although some days I have to convince myself of this, but I don't understand it. And I long to understand, as we all do. But we are not meant to understand. Isaiah 55:8-"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts...my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." Through all the tears, and anger, and endless struggling, the road still leads to the same place. The harder I try to understand, the less I do. Not because of unwillingness or ignorance, but because my ways are nothing like His.
The weird thing is, the struggle to understand only goes on because I want peace. Peace in circumstances, in why I do what I do, etc. But when I am beaten down and tired of trying to understand it all..
THAT is when I find peace.

I found God today in that: I will never understand Him.

The Journey, Part 4

Background Information: A friend of mine gave me this book called "Jesus Calling" in August. I can't remember how much I've written about it, so this may be repeated information. Basically, Sarah Young, the author, felt she could hear Jesus' voice. (She writes a Preface in the beginning of the book to better explain this.) So, she wrote a little devotional for every day for a year based on what she heard Jesus saying. The crazy thing is, almost every day relates to me in some way or another...

"Jesus Calling" February 20, 2010

"Learn to live from your true Center in Me. I reside in the deepest depths of your being, in eternal union with your spirit. It is at this deep level that My Peace reigns continually. You will not find lasting peace in the world around you, in circumstances, or in human relationships. The external world is always in flux-under the curse of death and decay. But there is a gold mine of Peace deep within you, waiting to be tapped. Take time to delve into the riches of My residing Presence. I want you to live increasingly from your real Center, where My Love has an eternal grip on you. I am Christ in you, the hope of Glory."

Colossian 3:15-"And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful."

Colossians 1:27-"For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory."

I'm not going to taint this magnificence with any words from me. It can speak for itself.

I found God today in that: He. is. Peace.

The Journey, Part 3

Love.

You're probably thinking, why is this girl so obsessed with love? It's like all she ever writes about.
Well, it's true. I am obsessed with love. Because "love covers a multitude of sin," and is something that can never run out.

Besides, I fiercely love God. I can't help it, He started it.

Bear with me, this is kinda long :)

Almost every song is written about love. (Although Sara Bareilles says she's NOT gunna write you a love song. Take that.) It is something people fall in and out of every day, and most people would agree that there is one person in their lives that they consistently love, all the time. (at least I hope this for you, if not...que triste.) People kill for love, give life for live, and become depressed over love. Geez, there's even a whole holiday dedicated to it. I'm not sure the same could be said for really anything else in the world. But why is it such a big deal?

Well, it would be easy to say John 3:16. "For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son." Most people in the world, even those who do not attend church, could probably quote or are familiar with this verse. Don't get me wrong, the importance of this verse should never be forgotten. Without it, there wouldn't even be a world to save. I just feel like it has lost some of its meaning because of use. It's like wearing a favorite pair of shoes that are really special. After 138 wears, they are still special, and still a favorite, but they have grown dingy from use, and overuse.

And then there are verses about loving your neighbor as yourself, loving your enemies... so on, so forth (Matthew 22:39, Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27). And that's great too, but sometimes not very personal. It almost just feels like another rule sometimes, ya know?
**Let me just take a second to point out that I mean no disrespect to God's word or the meanings they portray, I'm just trying to figure out the hermeneutics of it to my life.**
So what then? Loving people that love me is easy. Loving my enemies, well, I'm working on that. And loving God for the sacrifice of His Son is a no-brainer. But what about all the other moments? When people don't love me, but I love them. When I don't want to love my enemies, or lose sight of the ultimate sacrifice God gave for me?

Today in my missions class we watched a movie called, ironically, "The Mission." Basically, this man, attempting to convert the tribal people of the land into Jesuits, sat on a rock and played his Oboe. He did not beat them over the head with what they should or shouldn't do, he didn't make them feel inadequate, and most importantly, he didn't invade on their space. When the tribal people saw him, quietly sitting and playing his instrument, they invited him into their lives, thereby giving him the opportunity to convert them. They could see that he wouldn't harm them, that he respected them, and they, in return, trusted him. They were taught about the mercy of God, but slowly, they began to doubt the mercy of man. All because another man, a slave trader, was capturing, killing, and selling their people. Now, these tribal people couldn't really make a distinction between the man who was teaching them and this other awful man. All they knew was a white man, looking similar to the man who was telling them all these new ideas, was killing them. Granted this slave trader didn't know what the other man was trying to do, but he single-handedly killed the small ounce of light those people were receiving (regardless of the faith they were being taught, the true could be said for any religion) simply because he had an agenda. He had to get done what He was there to do.

Welp. Welcome to my life.
So, do I love people the way Jesus loves us. The way I claim to?
Ok, that calls for a complete denial of myself. To be there for a girl who is starving her body because she thinks she is too fat, when it would be best for me to stay out of it. To love 2 individuals enough to look past their addiction to prescription drugs. To hold the hand of a young woman having a baby out of wed-lock. To embrace people struggling with same-sex attractions. To tell a friend you love her when she pray every day that her life will end. Yes, these people need redemption and to turn from their ways, but me shunning them does NOTHING but make it worse.
Do I love my enemies like I say I do? Sure, I may mention their name in the shower in the mornings, but have I let go of how much destruction they have caused to my life? The pain they alone afflicted and continue to? That would be stupid to love someone like that right? Why would I let someone like that in my life?...
Jesus died for me. But more than that, He dies for me again every day. Do I die for Him? Do I even stop to think about the immense, intense, unstoppable, uncontrollable, never-ending love He pours out for me every day? He is who He is, regardless of where I am.
Because of this, I will never (well, I will really really try not to) dismiss a person because of the actions they have made/are making. "If we all walk away, who's going to be Jesus in that person's life?"

Who am I to stay at arms length to someone who is struggling with sin? Guess what, sin is filthy and is in ALL our lives. And as humans, we have put these degrees on sin. Like if you murder, you are a serious sinner, lying is just a little one, so on. But the truth is, God can't be a part of ANY of it. Sin is sin to Him. There are no degrees. How does God treat these sinners, who could surely never be like us? I mean we should probably have nothing to do with them, or be arrogant in our own righteousness, right? -"I will expose your righteousness and your works, and they will not benefit you." Isaiah 57:12.- How does God treat these people that I so often scorn?
He treats them with Love. Yep. Pure, undefiled, never-ending Love.

I have found God today in that: He has shown me how to love.

The Journey, Part 2

I feel like I could write about a lot today...

But, Ill just choose one.

School is such a funny thing, really. In my history class, a friend and I determined that a person lives an average of 14 million seconds a lifetime. (Upon further review, I don't think that's an accurate number, but just go with it.) Haha, this was determined because we were discussing the complete lack of desire to be in class, and how much of our lives have been, and for some of us, will be spent in school. I have been in school since I was 5. That is 14 years people, and quite a lot of seconds. And so many times I find myself thinking there are SO many other things I would rather be doing. Even worse is having to decide where to go to school. That's a discussion for another time...

God has planted a desire on my heart for missions. Wherever I am. But it is my own personal desire to go elsewhere and do it. I have been blessed to live in America, but change is good sometimes...
And until today, I realized how much I have lost sight of the goal. It is ENTIRELY too easy to do. What with all the thoughts of quitting school and going NOW. I don't want to wait to do God's will (hah, the irony). I went to a meeting last night for the mission trip I'm going on this summer and was SO excited, but also reminded that I have completely gone off track.

I am doing God's will NOW.
God has me exactly where He wants me, and His timing is perfect.
A friend and I were talking about how if we went right now, we would be of no use to people. That in fact, we would probably fail. We can't help others if we can't help ourselves. Everything is a journey, and, as she pointed out, most of Jesus' own life was spent in preparation.


I found God today in that: my eyes were opened to His desire to better prepare me for work in His kingdom, wherever I end up.

The Journey, Part 1

First of all, thank you for reading! I am exicted!

Secondly, I sincerely hope you are able to follow what I say. I am an excitable person and have a tendency to jump around from thought to thought; therefore, my thoughts aren't always "followable(?)"

Thirdly, I am not writing this to make you happy. I am on a search to find the One, true, living God, the One who loves me, every day. It's for me.

AND lastly, I hope this post isn't cheating cause I have actually felt/thought of this late Tuesday night :)

I've had this thing. This thing on my heart for about 2 months now. You see, there's this situation in my life that I have not given up. Which, by the way, is THE most difficult thing I have ever had to learn. To "give things up to God." I mean, what does that really even mean? For me, it means to quit trying to be a "fixer." I think it can be different for everyone, but I am seriously independent. I have this flawed idea that I can handle things on my own, that I don't need help, and that I am here to help OTHERS, but certainly not receive it. That would be silly, right? WRONG. I stumbled upon 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 again last night. See, Paul had this "thorn," and "three different times [he] begged the Lord to take it away." And I love how Jesus responds. He doesn't tell Paul it will be over soon, he doesn't tell him to stay strong, to hold on, that it will get better. He doesn't ever say he will take it away, nor does he say he will make it remain. He simply, but powerfully, says "each" time that "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." Wowee.

So, back to this thing. I have felt, especially lately, that God is telling me to let it go. I think before maybe He was whispering it to me? Or maybe not, maybe I just haven't been truly listening, but now it's getting more frequent, and less easy to ignore. I just feel the need to let it go, to stop holding onto this thing that has consumed me. That I have grown to love and have let consume me. And due to a particular situation concerning this "thing" tonight, which technically IS wednesday, it became clear as mud. I felt it again. (Because I've heard people say they actually hear God's voice, which makes me jealous, but I don't know how anything could find room in my brain. So generally it's a feeling for me.) Stop. Let it go. That's Enough. You have (tried) to travel this road long enough. You are tired, downtrodden, beaten, and "tears blur your eyes."


I found God today in that: He is holding my hand as I take the long road of recovery, healing, and acceptance of who He created me to be. Today.

Lent

Lent starts Wednesday.

Rather than giving something up this year (because anything i would give up: facebook, cellphone, dr. pepper, etc. feels too generic to me. I dont think personally I would get the full effect.) I am going to try and write every day. Every day, until Lent ends that is, I am going to make it a point to find God. Whether it be in a song, poem, art, environment, person, experience, whatever. And then write about it. I think this will be a fulfilling challenge because honestly, some days, it’s tough to find Him. I really should pick one blog or the other…

Wish me luck!

Annoyance

I don't understand why people think I am the only one capable of communicating.
Are they so stuck in their own world that they can't pick up the phone?
Or does communication only work one way? nuh uh.
Are they too busy? nuh uh. 5 minutes of their time is NOT asking too much.
"I miss you! We never talk!" Hmmm, wonder why. Oh yes, cause the only time we talk is when I talk to YOU.

Don't tell me you miss me if you never even try to talk to me. It doesn't take much to pick up a phone. They have even invented Skype, this thing where you can even SEE the person you are talking to. Basically, no human contact is even necessary anymore.

Quit. Making. Excuses.


sorry if I sound bitter.

Matthew 19:14

God is so so so so so good!! He has heard my prayers and is watching out for me!

As some of you know, I started a little project of selling shoes/other art to help kids. I love my babies and they need help. (if you want more information on what exactly i'm doing, you can contact me)

So, I just got the idea to put a bug in the ear of Big Brother Big Sister, an organization that I work with and trust to get the money where it needs to go. I emailed my site-specialist, honestly expecting her to say "hey, great idea, but we don't really need the money." but no! God's timing is perfect, and she emailed me back with an overwhelming response.

I have 4 pairs of shoes in the works, and the money from those are going specifically to buy games. This sounds trivial, but let me just tell you, these games are important. At the different schools that BBBS works with, they have a bin full of different board games the kids and mentors can play. On every occasion that me and my little go to play a game, there is always something wrong. Either all the pieces are gone, it's broken, or all the pieces are in the bottom because of a missing lid. My little and I have had some really insightful conversations over board games, conversations we may not have had if we hadn't decided to play a game. SO. New games are needed! And that money is going directly to that.

ALSO!! She said that if I felt I could handle it, she would advertise this in the BBBS newsletter they send out monthly. THIS IS HUGE PEOPLE. One of the biggest needs for children is shoes. I'm sure a lot of you have heard about TOMS, and just know that "Walking is often the primary mode of transportation in developing countries. Children can walk for miles to get food, water, shelter and medical help. Wearing shoes literally enables them to walk distances that aren't possible barefoot. Wearing shoes prevents feet from getting cuts and sores on unsafe roads and from contaminated soil. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected. The leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted parasites which penetrate the skin through open sores. Wearing shoes can prevent this and the risk of amputation." (sorry that was long). Even though we don't live in a "developing country," the need is still great. At the beginning of every school year and even throughout the year kids need shoes. And often, college students and others can't afford shoes for them. I have even seen kids wearing shoes that are at least 3 sizes too big, just because they have nothing else.

I said all that to say, haha, that Stephanie is going to advertise my shoes starting in March! This means that the advertisement is going to EVERY ONE who is a part of BBBS! Be proud (mom) that I have put a limit on the number at least. I was actually brought to tears by the joy that God has poured into my heart and how much He is doing for these kids!!

NONE of this would be possible without your help. Seriously. This couldn't be funded without YOUR money for my shoes :)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL!!!

My kids are awful. Like, when I say awful, I mean truly awful.

They hit, scream, lie, cry, and vandalize property. They listen to no discipline. We have sat in the gym, in silence, for up to 15 minutes before, simply because they do not, they will not, listen. Another form of discipline is turning off the lights. They know that when the lights go off, they are to freeze and stop talking. Even this has no affect on them anymore. They continue on in their conversations with complete disrespect to any and every one. My co-workers and I leave nearly every day with sore throats, in attempts to get their attention, headaches, and bad attitudes. My desire and excitement to go to work every day becomes more and more dim as the days go by.

And yet, they have taught me some of the most incredible, biggest, beneficial, important lessons of my 19 years on this earth. Although I do not generally go around physically screaming, hitting, lying, crying, or vandalizing property, I realize how my spiritual life has seen many days like this. Please don't ever, ever, think I would ever compare myself to the life of Jesus, because not only would that be hilariously incorrect, but it would be a complete and utter disgrace to who Jesus is. Although I strive to be more like Him every day, I am not there, and probably not even close. But with this experience, I have been able to look through the eyes of Christ. I know I've said this before, but I, we, are like those children. Yes, they are unruly. Yes, they are extremely difficult to handle. But every day I love them. I truly do love their whole entire little beings and want to hug and kiss them for who they CAN be, not necessarily who they are. Not only have I learned to look at them like this, but to look at every one in this way.

Christ chose us while we were like these children. There is one little boy who gets in trouble every day, without fail. He also happens to be the one who vandalized some lockers. He is known by all the workers as the boy who gets in trouble, and when he is sitting in time out, no one questions why. But when he comes up to me and says "Miss Allison, look at my new SillyBandz!" Anything else he did that day doesn't matter. Because I am reminded that he is still a child. He is still a precious soul who has every potential and dream in the world at his fingertips.

What if I chose to unmercifully yell at the kids? To just scream, and make them feel worthless and that their behavior is unacceptable and stupid. What good would that do? In my experience, kids don't learn that way. No one learns that way. They need love and care in order to want to change for you. If someone is yelling at me, it becomes very difficult for me to respect them. Treat me with respect, and I will treat you with the same.

I just love this whole messy thing. Because every day I wake up as a sinful human on this earth. If my place in the world beyond was determined by how I acted, I would have NO chance. And Jesus knows that, so He became the bridge for me to get to that place. So please, whoever reads this, don't ever think you don't have a chance. Jesus knows who you are, knows the mistake you have made, are making, and will make, and he LOVES you for it. It is only in our weakness that we can become strong, through HIM.

Me, and sometimes those kids, deserve a big shake and a good yelling at to straighten up. But He doesn't treat us like that because we are worth so much more than we can ever imagine to Him.

Sometimes I feel like my posts make no sense, haha. I just wake up or go through the day with these things on my heart and feel like getting it out. Because I haven't always thought it all the way through, I sometimes feel like it just gets thrown up on the page. Sorry. :) I hope you can follow what I try to say. Usually one point I wanted to make turns into something totally different... haha.

Peek a Boo!

"Thereafer, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. She said, 'You are the God who sees me.' She also said, 'Have I truly seen the One who sees me?'"

Before this, (Genesis 16) there was a lot of drama. Sarai and Abram, later to become Sarah and Abraham, were married, but Sarai couldn't have kids. So, in one last desperate attempt, she told Abram to go have a baby with her servant girl, Hagar. Hagar didn't even have a choice! So when Hagar found out she was pregnant by Abram, she "began to treat...Sarai with comtempt" (with hatred, or disrespect). Well Sarai, who acts a bit like a diva in this story, wasn't gunna have that. She can't see anything wrong with her actions, so blames Hagar's disrespect on something Abram must have done. Abram says look woman (not really), I've had enough of you. She's your servant, do what you want, I don't care. So then, as if Sarai learned nothing from the treatment she received, she starts to be mean to Hagar. Hagar had finally had enough and decided to run away. She started walking, and while she was by a spring (later called a well) an angel of the LORD asked her where she came from and where she was going. (It still amazes me that people weren't completely dumbfounded when stuff like this happened to them) So Hagar told Him of her mean treatment. The angel told her to go back, He would bless her with descendants, and that her child was to be named Ishmael (God hears).

THEN. Verse 13 comes along. Hagar decided what she would call God.
We all have our names: Father, Daddy, Papa, Dad, Sovereign, the list goes on.
And Hagar chose: "You are the God who SEES ME."
She knows that she has been seen. All the broken dreams she must have had, how she had no choice in her life, and the harsh treatment she had undergone and THEN to be pregnant. But she knew that God saw her.

Sometimes, the only thing that can heal broken painfulness is for Someone, or someone, to see us.

Friends, Lovers, or Nothin'

Have you ever thought about how we are to discern between showing others the love of Christ, the love He showed us, and staying away from foolish people? (Proverbs 13:20) By realizing when it's a waste of time? Is it ever? (Psalm 1:1) (Proverbs 14:7).

This thought began its journey in my little brain when I read the thoughts of another blogger (haha) on Jesus' love. 1 John 3:17, 1 John 3:10, Matthew 22:37-39 were just a few of the passages he presented:

"if someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion-how can God's love be in that person?"

"So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the devil. Anyone who does not live righteously and does not love other believers does not belong to God."

"Jesus replied, 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’"

This blogger (Ben Griffith) seems to suggest along with scripture, and I would agree, that it doesn't matter what other laws we uphold, what righteousness we practice in our lives, if we do not love. People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.

"Scientists tell us that without the presence of the cohesive force amongst the atoms that comprise this globe of ours, it would crumble to pieces and we would cease to exist, and even as there is cohesive force in blind matter, so must there be in all things animate, and the name for that cohesive force among animate beings is love.....where there is love there is life."
Ghandhi

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 tells me that I can have understanding of all knowledge and mysteries, but if I don't have love, I am nothing. Not even if I have faith to move mountains!

Lately this is a thought I have wrestled with a lot. Solomon was an incredibly wise and discerning man (1 Kings 3) and even he says in Proverbs to "escape quickly from the company of fools" and not waste my time or words on them. Growing up, I was told to "choose my friends wisely," and even the bible accounts for numerous stories of people doing wicked things or being influenced by the wrong people they surround themselves with. Take, for example, Samson and Delilah. Delilah tricked Samson all the way around. She was told to find out the key to his strength once he fell in love with her, and deceived him from the beginning. This not only cost the lives of many people, regardless of their wickedness, but his own life.

The question is, when is it time to "shake the dust off my feet" when someone just doesn't want to hear it?

Love is the hardest and most incredible thing to figure out.
And to realize, that even when people hate me, "...keep in mind that it hated me first." (John 15:18)
And Jesus loves me, and them. He has given me a gift that I can never repay him for. And when I say "Hmmm, thanks." and continue gossiping or being selfish or whatever it may be, He. Loves. Me.

This could really turn into like 10 posts...