The only way I know how to explain this feeling I've been having is a feeling of preparation.
You know how when you're about to go on a trip you do things to get ready?
Physical things like saving money, buying clothes and/or resources, planning your schedule and excitedly thinking about all you will do.
And there's always a mental process that goes along with it. Like, if you have a bad day, all you have to think about is said trip in the future and your spirits are lifted.
Maybe it's a trip home, or a vacation.
All you think about, all you talk about, and all you want to do.
It's always there. Like a fly to honey, it always comes back.
The knowledge that you're going to experience something different soon is always in the back of your mind.
That's how I feel. Like every day, I'm preparing for something; some trip, some journey, some something.
But I have no idea what.
And since this is my blog and I can say what I want...
I'm not even sure I'll be doing what I planned on doing next year.
In other words, this is big. A big journey.
I don't know how else to explain it. And I have talked about it a lot with God.
What on earth is going on?! Is this real? How will I know?
That's all I can think to say. And what I get in return:
Wait, my child.
And whenever I come across whatever it is I'm supposed to come across, I already know I will do it.
Strange, right? I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, but I know I will do it.
Because I feel a peace about this unlike anything I have ever felt.
I have never felt so sure about something in my life.
I also know that whatever it is, it's going to cost me a lot.
Personally, emotionally, physically; maybe all of the above.
And yet; I will do it.
You know how when you're about to go on a trip you do things to get ready?
Physical things like saving money, buying clothes and/or resources, planning your schedule and excitedly thinking about all you will do.
And there's always a mental process that goes along with it. Like, if you have a bad day, all you have to think about is said trip in the future and your spirits are lifted.
Maybe it's a trip home, or a vacation.
All you think about, all you talk about, and all you want to do.
It's always there. Like a fly to honey, it always comes back.
The knowledge that you're going to experience something different soon is always in the back of your mind.
That's how I feel. Like every day, I'm preparing for something; some trip, some journey, some something.
But I have no idea what.
And since this is my blog and I can say what I want...
I'm not even sure I'll be doing what I planned on doing next year.
In other words, this is big. A big journey.
I don't know how else to explain it. And I have talked about it a lot with God.
What on earth is going on?! Is this real? How will I know?
That's all I can think to say. And what I get in return:
Wait, my child.
And whenever I come across whatever it is I'm supposed to come across, I already know I will do it.
Strange, right? I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, but I know I will do it.
Because I feel a peace about this unlike anything I have ever felt.
I have never felt so sure about something in my life.
I also know that whatever it is, it's going to cost me a lot.
Personally, emotionally, physically; maybe all of the above.
And yet; I will do it.
I wish there was someone that could understand this feeling.
Or at least not think I'm crazy.
Or at least not think I'm crazy.
"Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me..."
I feel like this too, but sometimes I doubt God's power. I wish things would just be.
ReplyDeleteI miss days when I knew who I was and where I was going!
Childhood, in other words.
Something tells me to work hard. And I do. I do it as I wait... so I'm prepared.
For what? who knows, but God.