Compassion

Let me try to express something to y'all. Simply saying I am compassionate is not good enough.

When I was young, I used to pray every night for my baby dolls to turn into real babies when I woke up in the morning. I KNEW God would do that for me (wish I had such blind faith as that sometimes...) And every morning, when they sat on their shelves in all their plastic glory, I would lay in bed and CRY. I wanted SO badly for those baby dolls to be real because I knew I would take such good care of them (or so I thought, hah).

In the same manner, I would sleep with anywhere from 5-7 stuffed animals/dolls a night. And no, they could never be stuffed under the covers with me, or thrown around. They were very carefully tucked in, right beside me, because if not they would suffocate. Duh. I would kiss each and every one goodnight before I would drift to sleep.

As I grew older, I no longer tucked my stuff animals in bed with me, thank goodness, but I became a bit of a hoarder. (This is where this already embarrassing confession time grows worse.) When my mom would force me to FINALLY clean my room, I could not bring it in my heart to get rid of old toys or stuffed animals because I FELT BAD. Yes. You read correctly. I FELT BAD for INANIMATE objects full of stuffing that I hadn't played with in YEARS. Simply because they had been so unloved, untouched, and un-played with for who knows how long. Nevermind the logic of giving them away so that another little girl could ACTUALLY play with them. No, no.

And this trait carried on into my teen and now adult? years. That compassion that was evident when I was so young is the same compassion that makes me blubber at a funeral of a lady I never once laid eyes on (true story). The same compassion that turns into fury when I see Jesus in the face of a child who is neglected, but given all the coolest clothes and toys. But I have to believe that Jesus knows and FEELS this very same compassion for ME. And for EVERY child, father, mother, sister, brother, daughter, and son on this planet.

I say all that to say that you can imagine that lukewarm-ness does not set well with me. Although, personally, lukewarm has different connotations in my life. Feeding one child isn't good enough for me. I want a thousand. Selling one pair of shoes, or even 5, is not good enough for me. I want to sell hundreds. And some people tell me to reign this in. "You aren't cut out [for what you want to do]." "You're being unrealistic." "You can't save the world." No, you're right, I can't. Because Jesus, thankfully, took that load off my shoulders, and I don't want to in any way over step my boundaries there, but I can't sleep at night being lukewarm.

That brings me, as it should, right back to Jesus.
He raised Lazarus FROM THE DEAD. He fed 5,000 people with so little. He healed, loved, and reached out to everyone. His heart broke for those he could and couldn't reach. And he touched the untouchable; physically and emotionally. Don't you think people probably told him that he needed to reign it in? That feeling that much compassion for people would never do him any good, especially when they don't seem to care? That maybe, he wasn't cut out for that?
The point is, HE DID IT.
Yes, He did the seemingly impossible when he fed 5,000 men, not including women and their babies, with what would be enough for two of us Americans, if that.
But those people would be hungry again.
YES, he raised Lazarus from the dead! When his family was weeping and had lost hope.
But Lazarus would eventually die.
He healed, loved, and touched SO many.
Who would eventually be sick again, hate their brother, and sin against Him.

Wouldn't that get discouraging? Why do it? Wouldn't it be so tough to feel like you can't reach who you want to reach, and that when you do, they could turn away?

I don't want to miss Jesus's point. I think it is partly in his healing, but I also think it is in the underlying meaning of his actions. Those people would be hungry again, die (again), and be sick again. But he DID IT ANYWAY. With no hesitation.
It's not about if I feel like I am "cut out for it," it's about DOING IT ANYWAY.
Because if I call myself a Christian, it is expected of me regardless.

It's just a matter of forcing my compassion to go in the right direction ;)



I found God today in: never-ending, radical, unrelenting, COMPASSION.