Lukewarm

My heart is so full it feels like it must be sagging.
I am sitting here on my nice, soft, light green couch with my nice, and expensive, laptop on my lap. I'm watching the Vols play basketball, who are winning by the way, on a flat screen TV. The sun is shining through the window in the ceiling, providing just enough light to my air conditioned house. I have enjoyed a GLORIOUS week of little to no responsibility away from school, and tonight I will be enjoying the company of my big family over a huge and filling meal that I don't have to worry about having.
And sometimes I am so befuddled, because there really is no other word, as to WHY, WHY I have all this. Why did God bless me SO MUCH when there are soo many people, ten minutes down the road or across the world, who wouldn't know what to do with even an ounce of what I have. But I will never be made to believe that God loves me more than "those people.'' I will never be made to believe that the poor have done something to deserve what they don't have. Because that would mean that I would have had to do something to deserve what I have and I KNOW that's not the case.

The only solution here is to STOP CARING.
Katie Davis helps me think a lot, and as she pointed out, life's not about avoiding the storms, it's about learning to dance in the rain. I am trying so hard not to become angry with this post as I furiously type away with fire in my fingertips.
Because I CARE so much about being comfortable, someone else, specifically a child, has been UNCOMFORTABLE their whole life.
Because I CARE so much about what other people think of me when I love with my whole heart, a broken, unloved child could DIE when all they needed was a caring touch.
People. LUKEWARM WILL NEVER DO.
I don't believe in helping at arms length. Granted, I don't do NEAR as much as I should to help others and I will always be the first to tell you that, but what is all this about giving money but not being willing to be involved? Presents CANNOT, and will never be, substituted for presence. Money does not and will never heal a broken heart.
I believe, with all my heart, that Jesus has called me to be a part of Him.
This doesn't mean that I can give him the parts that I want while selfishly making myself comfortable in the parts that would be crazy to give up. He will spit me out.
How can we be so complacent?! How can I honestly be content with sitting in church on Sundays and giving a few dollars and then slandering my brothers and sisters the very same day! How can I have my heart broken for the babies who are DYING from completely preventable diseases and then yell at my sister 15 minutes later?!
I CAN'T.
"So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
Revelation 3:16

I don't want to tell Jesus, on that unimaginable day when I GET to see Him face to face, that I was too comfortable to help Him.
Stop. Being. So. Complacent.

"I want to BLAZE with You."


I found God today in that: lukewarm will NEVER do.