"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."
-Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

There's a lot of things I could say today.
Even though this is my blog, and I feel I can write freely and honestly, I still find myself holding back a lot in my honesty.
Some days, I just get tired of answering questions. Some days, I get tired of feeling like I am not the way I "should" be.

There's so much I want to say to one particular person. He'll probably ask me about this post later.
Is it cowardly that I can't seem to ever say what I want to say? Is it cowardly that I would rather write it all on here then say it to him because the sound of his voice makes me forget anything I was going to say? Writing comes easily to me, but speaking... not so much these days. It seems to be that way with everyone. I used to be able to talk to a wall with all the small talk I could make up. But now? Now I'm quiet, and I don't know why some days.

Who determines when enough is enough? How am I supposed to know when love is lost? If it were up to me, I would probably fight much longer than most. Maybe due to stupidity, maybe due to a lack of realization of what I'm worth, who knows. I don't think it's either.
But there does come a point when even I know enough is enough. That no matter how much you fight, some people just don't, wont, fight with you. Like waiting for rain in a drought: useless and disappointing.
But it doesn't make it any easier

...

I don't understand why people can't just be honest. Who knows how much better things would be if there was just honesty. Sometimes, people aren't honest because of fear of getting hurt (I do this a lot these days). Sometimes, people aren't honest because they feel it will do no good. So what you have now is good? You don't know when something could be better. And if not for you, for the sake of someone else. And sometimes, people just aren't honest for no reason at all.

Please don't argue with me.
I NEED honesty
I can't hide this from you anymore
You don't know how much you are affecting me
If you ever even considered me a friend, do me a favor and be honest with me
and with yourself
because I can't love you like this anymore
I don't wanna lose to you that way
and that's it

I won't go on like this, even if I love you so much it hurts.
Please don't argue with me.

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness.
Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

and that's all she wrote.