sometimes when you are swallowed by the moment, you forget to be kind and gracious and loving and giving. all you want to do is lash out, emotionally, and release all your disappointed expectations and hurts and unrealistic beliefs about the person or situation onto the closest thing to you.

but they don't feel unrealistic when it's the 27 thousandth thing that has threatened to undo the weeks and months of betterment you have searched for and attained for yourself. they feel real and raw and annoyingly present. but to succumb to your emotions in that moment is to be the exact thing you have worked really your whole life to overcome.

also, sometimes i cringe when i read my past posts. mostly because i remember who i was and where i was, mentally, emotionally, sometimes physically, when i wrote them. but also because they sometimes sound so dramatic. i've always been a deep feeler, though, no use denying that. it's like looking at the Facebook photos i put up when i first got the thing-somewhat embarrassing to the point of deletion, sometimes. but ill keep them. because i stand by most of what i said, anyway. 

i don't know why i felt the need to explain myself away. hm.