sometimes i get in these situations and im like

what the crap happened.

other times, im in situations in which i say

oh. thats why that crap happened.

i think it's normal to be affected by our environments. i spent a long time trying not to be, but as hard as i tried, i didn't become unaffected. i became a stuffer of feelings to the point of numbness. i pray you [me, I, whomever] never get there. it's a verrry difficult thing to undo.

and then, somewhere, beautifully, along the way, i realized that i carry it within me anyways. all the different environments, good or bad, have molded me, grown me, into the exact woman that i am. and so it's good to be affected by the environment, because i think that means complacency hasn't set in.

it's not a threat to my well-being, whichever environment i find myself in.

i carry It, it, it within and nothing will take that from me.

on a side note, let me point out that wanting me only when you see me delivers a LOUD and CLEAR message that what is on the outside of me is what is most important, and the only thing you actually want.

thank you, but no