love

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself."
(found in various places, but this is from Luke 10.27)

Abba is teaching me lots lots lots about love lately. Love has always come easily to me (for the most part), but He is teaching me about hard love now. Growing up, I didn't struggle that much with loving those who had personally done something wrong towards me (last year excluded...). I still talk to the boyfriend who cheated on me. I still talk to the guy who turned my world absolutely upside down. I still talk to the people who betrayed me. I don't like to just dismiss people when the world tells me I should. I don't say that at all to boast in my accomplishments, though, because with more love that is poured into my heart, I realize that it is NOT of me. The only reason I can be that way is because God made and makes me that way and I want to make that crystal clear before going any further.

But a part of love I do struggle with is loving without fear or expectations. Because I don't contain perfect love that expels all fear (1 John 4.18), I have a hard time not getting hurt.
I have been dealing with a situation lately with a person that needs a lot of love. This person is really struggling and because of that, he doesn't know how to act towards others. In fact, he tends to act in really bad ways, making him known for negative things. I know that that is not him. I know that he has had bad experiences that make him act that way. And I know it's all because he is scared.
But that is scary to ME. It is scary to try to love someone who is so unpredictable. It is crazy and hard to love someone who could at any moment turn on me and portray this bad behavior because that means that I am putting myself out there. That I am laying my heart on the line and that means I will probably and have already been hurt. And I'm tired of getting hurt.

But the more I dwell and worry on that, the more Jesus tells me that that's exactly as it should be. I think back over His words and realize that never once did he say that I should definitely love His people with all my heart, but only if my own behind is covered. ONLY if I wont get hurt or betrayed or slandered. He is the example by which we live, yes? And he loved prostitutes, liars, murderers, adulterers, and those who were deceptive.
In fact, he was murdered for them.

So what gives me, or anyone else, the right to hold back love? To be fearful of treating this person as I would want someone to treat me. After all, I receive my worth and my love and well-being from the ONE who's presence can never ever be taken from me (Psalm 139). John 15.13 says that there is NO GREATER LOVE than to lay down my life for my friends. For a long time I thought that meant literally laying down my life. But now, I know that that means giving up my fears, desires, and most importantly, love.