“Increase our faith!”

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights.
Habakkuk 3.17-19

After my run this morning, I needed encouragement. I woke up at an earlier time to go out and refocus on my Savior. Sometimes when I get out of my devotional routine by coming home for a week or getting abnormally busy, my relationship with God suffers. So, while I was out, Abba and I talked a lot. Well, I mostly talked while He comforted. My plate is full lately, but today's worry was money for Honduras. See, I'm going to Honduras over spring break and I have to raise more money then I think I've ever been in possession of. And it's enough to drive a person crazy, especially when my funds are lying in the hands of other people. In reality, and what we talked about this morning, was that IT DOESN'T. Ok, yes, I know this. I know that God is the giver of all life and provides for me just as He provides for the birds; in fact, more so. But this all too common thought is really hard to transfer to my heart. It becomes hard not to doubt when the funds are not coming and the trip seems impossible. Even though I can look back on my life and SEE the abundant provision and beauty that He has made out of a mess, Satan seeps in all too often.

But perhaps the most frustrating thing about it all is not believing that He is faithful, but determining HOW to believe that He is such. Because believe me, I have spoken now meaningless words of trust in full faith; yet, here I am, struggling with doubt. I know He knows that I am a frail human, made from dust. That my thoughts are nothing like His and that my understanding leads me astray (Isaiah 55.8, Proverbs 3.5-6), but I forget that allllll the time.

I don't really have a conclusion to this particular ramble. Perhaps it's just a way for me to confess my doubt and keep myself accountable through the internet (hah!) to let Abba increase my faith.