There is a serious battle going on right now. I know I am not alone in this feeling, so I'll try to put words to it for the benefit of others. I feel a lot of pressure, especially right now, to live up to the world's standards. Annoyingly enough, many of you (whoever actually reads this) know that I am having to make the seemingly impossible decision to pick a school to attend in the fall. Even more annoying is the CONSTANT unwanted "advice" I seem to be getting from everyone, even people who don't really know me. More than that, I am feeling pressure to pick a career. My family, people around me, the world at large, wants me to pick a career that will make me a lot of money and keep me COMFORTABLE for the rest of my life. The very thing that sounds disgusting to me. Of course I want my future family to be happy, of course I don't want to have to stress about money, but money isn't everything, believe me. They don't want me to have to sacrifice by being in a job that I may happen to love, but making no money from it. Truth is, working somewhere to make a lot of money where I am miserable IS a sacrifice to me. Paul has taught me to be content no matter where God puts me, but why would I willingly choose something my heart is not calling me to JUST because other people think I should make a lot of money in a steady job later? To me, that is lack of faith. I believe with all of my heart that the Creator of this Universe will provide for me. I WILL NOT worry about something like that when I have no control over it.
I want to be in God's way. In His way so much that I am consumed by Him and can't see my way out.
I want to LOVE everyone, even though "I am sensitive, not cut out for that, and am going to be heartbroken all the time." SO WHAT. That. is. why. I. am. here.
I never want to live in a 2 story house with 2 expensive cars in the driveway, oblivious and comfortable to the hurt of the world around me.
I know that people cannot understand me. Most people do not think like that. It's too "radical". And maybe so, but I believe that those things are what Jesus considered normal. The world around me is pulling me in the opposite direction of the path of God. He knew it would happen, and didn't hesitate to tell us (Matthew 7:13). I can no longer long for understanding from people. I have come to find that my life is going to be a constant battle. A battle for understanding from this world (which really isn't even worth searching for), for understanding from my parents and family, and for understanding for myself. But I run the race, to get the prize at the end.
"Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!" 1 Corinthians 9:24
"We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it."
Psalm 39:6
"He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me..."
Psalm 55:18
"We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it."
Psalm 39:6
"He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me..."
Psalm 55:18
I had that problem in high school. I didn't want to do anything with art, because I would be poor (says my parents, friends, the world). So I thought about how much I enjoyed science. Thus, I took AP Chem. I am grateful that I took it because I figured out that it wasn't for me. However I worked hard and never have to take science in college, now!
ReplyDeleteSo I figured out that I had to do something I loved deep within me. Art grows, shows, and kills me. I love everything about art in college.
So I am an ART ED. major. I choose this to sooth my parents and now I know that there it more to just an art teacher. I can really work any where that needs a creative person... it is hard to explain.
I am happy with it...
My major isn't a preacher... but God gave my a gift that I need to take care of... I may not be famous, but who cares.
I hate to give you advice... So I will ask you to keep a promise. Alli, promise me you will do what you love. Don't let the the pure talent within you, given to you by God, go to waste. Follow your heart, expose yourself, and don't hold back.
I don't always, and I hate it when I don't.
I say listen to your heart only because God lives there.
forget the world.
I LOVE YOU!
Syd you truly are my sunshine. you keep me grounded when i am drowning. lately, i have lost myself, and im trying to get it back. although i think it's probably good that this year has broken me and put me back together differently, i miss part of who i was. it's hard when the world is pulling me in so many directions. but as always, you are SO RIGHT! God dwells in my heart, and im trying to listen to it and Him again. don't feel bad for giving me advice; you have no idea how much i treasure it.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to get back on my feet and channel my passions into productive things for ME, not for everyone else. after all, i am the one laying my head on the pillow at night.
LOVE you and can't wait for the post cards!
Hey, friend. I know that the unwanted advice from friends and maybe even family, as well as the things your family is feeling is probably driving you CRAZY. I know the feeling. I have been going through the same kind of things lately. I transfered from where I was to a school back here. It's been hard, but I do say that I feel closer to God because of the things I went through.
ReplyDeleteHopefully this will help you. This is what I had to ultimately admit to myself after someone else telling me this. You need to be true to yourself. You can't make your friends or family happy to only make yourself miserable. That's not right. You make yourself happy. I also feel a little inquired to say that you trust in God now and become closer to Him now while you are trying to figure out what you want. You seem to be doing a great job with that so far. I know you know this, but it is SO important. I know for a fact that they want you to be happy and they mean well. But you have a responsibility to yourself.
I am here for you and I want you to let me know if I can do anything to help you out. You've always meant a lot to me. Love you!
Sara Beth! thank you for your sweet sweet words. I know you are absolutely right :) but it's also one of those "easier said than done" things. But with the support of you and others, it's getting a little easier. Thank you for being someone to look to in times of trouble as an example to just hold on, that things will ultimately get better. I wish you NOTHING but the best with your wedding coming up!! soooo exciting!!
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