I am a person of great detail.
A post it note on my door means SO much more to me than a very public post on my facebook wall.
The mom to one of my kids already knowing who I am because her little daughter talks about me means so much more than getting publicly announced as the world's greatest extended day worker.
Someone asking if I'm ok when I am clearly not means so much more than asking one of my friends if I'm ok.
Someone remembering that I have a huge test coming up and wishing me luck means so much more than pretending to care.
I long for people to care about me. I wish I could find a strong enough word for that. My heart is heavy today because of many circumstances, but I am so incredibly tired of wishing people cared. It's not about recognition, although, ashamedly I sometimes make it that way, and it's not about how many friends I have. I would rather have one or two genuine friends who care then have 500 facebook friends who don't even know my favorite color. I struggle with people's intentions anyway, but I have a hard time finding stock in anything people say or do if they don't know the details. It just hurts, that's all there is to it.

Sometimes I wonder, though, if this is just another one of "life's little lessons." When I don't and can't depend on others, God is the only thing I have left to depend on. Maybe that's the point. As much as it hurts to feel alone, I know that God always picks me up when I have fallen. He catches my tears in his bottle and he hurts when I hurt. He is near to the broken hearted. And I have no doubt that this wont last forever. He warms my soul when I sit on my carpet and cry. He puts a smile on my face when it doesn't seem possible. He loves me when I don't love myself. He helps me love those who don't love me. And I know that as much as I long for human companionship sometimes, He is all I want.

Call Your name every day
when I feel so helpless
I've fallen down
but I'll rise above this.
-Rise Above This, Seether.