Just Love OK!

Sometimes I experience tangible bliss.
There's this one swing outside my dorm. It overlooks the Elam circle, not a particularly lovely view, and sits on the corner, right before the heart of Lipscomb is visible. I've come to this swing before, on a few occasions actually, but none such as this. Today was beautiful. The air was a little crisp, (I like that word. Crisp.) but the sky made up for that. So, I was sitting on my swing, reading, and just looked up.
The clouds were moving, hesitantly creeping away from the sun, turning from a pale blue to purple and orange. My absolute favorite kind. I only wish I could bottle up some of this fluffy goodness. Campus was quiet, maybe everyone experiencing the same stillness I was, and all I could hear were a few birds chirping, and a faint whistle from a man with his hands in his pockets. In the air, an airplane, moving at a rate that seemed inconceivable, left its ear busting noise trailing behind, echoing against the expanses, and a faint trail of wood burning, bringing me back to bonfires and devos of what seems to be long ago. All I could do was sit there, not wanting to move. I didn't, wouldn't even allow, anything to ruin this moment for me. I didn't want to let anything inside, disrupting my silence, my bliss, as I sat and conjured these very words.

It didn't start out that way though. I was holed up in my room this afternoon with too much homework looming on the horizon. I wanted to be anywhere but there, doing anything but that, but I typed on. Numerous notecards and two typed papers later, my joints, and my spirit needed a break. It was too pretty outside not to. One of my favorite places to go is Borders. I absolutely love to read, (although admittedly if the book isn't good in the beginning, I force myself to make it past page 3) and had hopes of getting a new book. I checked my email for a coupon (haven't bought a book full price YET) and checked my bank account for money. Sighing, due to a lack of substance in the latter, I drove. Again, it was a nice day, and my spirits were a little brightened the farther away I got from my room, leaving it as a distant memory. Once at Borders, I picked up this book that greeted me as soon as I walked in. I had seen it before, but had no idea what the name was. Once I picked it up and began reading, I didn't even stop to check and see how long the chapters were. It was so good. And you know what? I bought it. I did have my coupon, but by golly, I bought it.
And so what, I thought to myself as I left. Why do I worry so much? I could give you a list of verses that tell me, and you, not to worry about things, big or small, or not to worry about money, but I won't. Not this time. Because I wanted that book. And lately, life seems much more precious to me.
So what if I wanna sit on a swing, that doesn't overlook some great scenery, drink a cherry dr. pepper, and read away my afternoon when I should be doing homework.
SO WHAT if I wanna sing at the top of my lungs, even though I'm excitable and always start singing too early.
So what if I choose to love, with all my heart, someone most people would say I'm better off without.
So what if I eat 2 chocolate chip cookies.
So what if I stay up late when I know that 7:45 is gunna come all too early.
SO WHAT if I spend money eating with wonderful friends when I should be saving it for countless other, "more important," things
and the list goes on.

If you aren't going to stop worrying for God, (because He can handle it, you know) then stop for you. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. I pray, I BEG, that you and I will never, ever be old grumpy people some day. Go buy a bouncy ball. Go kiss someone. Go tell someone how much you love them. Because you would want that done to you wouldn't you? Yes, you would.

:)

and go read Little Bee.

Yellow Sour Patch Kids

I don't know why I save my homework for Sunday afternoons. I never want to do it.

Most of the time, I just float through life.
Still don't know what being fully dependent on God looks like. I may never know, but I think it's different for everyone.
And some days I just realize how much I need God. Not necessarily because anything bad happens, although that helps, but it just hits me some days for some reason.
Sometimes I get bored during sermons at churches. Think what you want about that, I don't care.
Today, as I was trying to focus, I ran across this in Isaiah:

"And he said, 'Yes, go and say to this people':
'Listen carefully, but do not understand.
Watch closely, but learn nothing.
Harden the hearts of these people.
Plug their ears and shut their eyes.
That way, they will not see with their eyes
nor hear with their ears,
nor understand with their hearts
and turn to me for healing.”

....That way, they will not see with their eyes
nor hear with their ears,
nor understand with their hearts...

BUT, turn to me for healing.

I found God today in that: I need Him.

Still on That Journey...

Some days I just don't know.



I found God today in that: The sky was beautiful.

"now we see things imperfectly..."

"a child is the beauty of God in the world."
Mother Teresa

There's this precious little girl at the Elementary School. I call her Hannah Banana, and she loves to play. Her and her friends compete to see who can hug me first every day, and she always loses :) She's soft spoken, very obedient, has beautiful wavy sandy colored hair, and a laugh that will melt you heart.
This little girl also has Glaucoma.

I saw her today for the first time in a while. You see, she hasn't been at extended day in a while because she has had more surgeries in her short lifetime than most of us will ever see, causing her to miss a lot. Since I hadn't seen her in a while, we sat and talked. I asked her how she had been and what she had been doing, and she explained that she had been putting up posters around school for Glaucoma awareness week next week. Some of her friends had been helping her too...

"Yea, I've already lost complete eyesight in my left eye." She says in her soft voice, and then looks at the ground. My heart aches and slowly crumbles as I realize this is not the first time she has said this. She considers it a way of life now and tries to live on, barely seeing out of her right eye. She is strong, but underneath she is crying because of the things she will never get to see. The opportunities she will never have, all because of this disease. You see, Glaucoma steals away eyesight, often without any signs at all, and there is no. cure. I didn't know anything to do except put my arm around her and hold her close, wanting so badly to heal her.

She is an angel. She has the fingerprints of Jesus ALL over her, and one day, she will play and laugh with better vision than she has known or will ever know. And I can't wait to be there so she can be the first to hug me.


"now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity." 1 Corinthians 13:12




I found God today in: Hannah Banana.

Silence

(I decided for my Lent thing to stop calling it "The Journey," and basically, call it whatever I want hehe)

"God speaks in the silence of the heart."

-Mother Teresa

I watched a video on her today. She was an amazing woman. Truly. She was a tangible angel. And she said this quote and I had to immediately write this down cause it just seems so true to me.

I don't have one moment of silence throughout my whole day. Not even really when I am sleeping because even then I sometimes dream. I am busy, have an agenda, and almost always have something to say. Where's God in all that?
I don't believe He is in the busyness. I believe, like what Mother Teresa said, He is in the silence of our hearts. I just picture Him sitting and waiting, with immense patience, for us to tune in. Maybe even knitting, I don't know.
Wherever we are there is noise, wherever he is: silence.

Sometimes silence is scary. Mainly because when one is silent, all the junk of life comes to the surface, forcing you to be real with yourself, and with the One who meets you there.
Silence is telling. Silence is honest. Silence is genuine.

I like God speaking to me in the silence of my heart. It makes it special. I get sick of the noise and commotion sometimes, and if He was in the noise, it would kill the image I have of Him. Silence needs to be sought after, and fiercely held onto.


I found God today in that: He speaks to me in silence

The Journey, Part 12

We gotta meet in the middle
To work this thing out

More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love

We're afraid to be idle
So we fill up the days
We run on the treadmill
Keep slavin' away 'til there's no time for talkin'
About trouble in mind
And the doors are all closed
Between your heart and mine

Just look out around us
People fightin' their wars
They think they'll be happy
When they've settled their scores
Let's lay down our weapons
That hold us apart
Be still for just a minute
Try to open our hearts

More Love.

Just stop. Rest. You are wonderful. You are beautiful. But you can't do it all, and you can't try anymore.


I found God today in that: I can't try to be brave anymore.

The Journey, Part 11

Tolerance: –noun 1. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.
Freedom from bigotry? geez
Acceptance: –noun 3. the act of assenting or believing

I'm not sure which one of these words is the most appropriate for what I'm going to write about, but I guess the one I have heard most often is "tolerance." Although, acceptance seems to be more accurate to me.

The other day, some friends and I were driving downtown, and somehow the topic of sex got brought up. We spent the nearly 20 minute drive naming off the people we personally knew who were having sex. One girl was even saying how her roommate would tell her about her escapades and say it is no big deal. I was shocked at the number of people I found that were having sex. Growing up, sex seemed like the worst of all sins, (I was young and still measured sins by degree of "worseness") and I still somewhat look at it that way. But lately, I have become much more tolerant. Much more accepting.
It is NOT ok.
I stopped and thought about how much I have been taught, not by my parents, but by culture, to accept. That it is not right to let people know, whether by words or deeds, that whatever they are choosing to do is not ok with me. Please understand that I do NOT feel it is right to disrespect a person or abuse them verbally, or physically, in any way, EVER, but I also do not feel it is right to be told that I need to keep my mouth shut over issues I feel strongly about, when others are more than welcome to speak freely about theirs. I have learned that making people "comfortable" takes precedence over speaking the truth. How did it get like this? Yes, God is merciful beyond ANYTHING we can imagine (look at the life of Paul), yes his love is too much for us, even being held back because if he fully opened the flood gates of his love, it would crush us. Yes, he wants us to respect others because God has no favorites (Deut. 10:17). But God also wants us to be serious enough about this life to do what he commands. He gave us rules to live by, not as a way to hold us under his thumb, but a way to give us a much more fulfilling life. In Psalm 50, God says that the people "hate[d] my instruction and cast my words behind you." and they will be judged. There will be a time coming when God will no longer "[keep] quiet" and will "accuse you to your face."

I think in this post-modern world, the idea that God is this big, loving, "grandfather of the sky" is all too common. He IS big. He IS loving. But he expects us to live as we should.
It's NOT ok.
Please don't let it be ok. Often, "you say it best when you say nothing at all." Don't let that "best" be something you don't mean to say.

"To conceal ignorance is to increase it."

-Gandhi

I found God today in that: I do not want to be tolerant.